Mykiah has been asking me to make her a joke page for Christmas. I'm 116 days early, but here you go:
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box… gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. . . Bob has been missing since Friday!
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An old farmer wrote to his son in prison. "This year I won't be able to plant potatoes because I can't dig the field, I know if you were here you would help me."
The son wrote back, "Dad, don't even think of digging the field because that's where I buried the guns."
Police read the letter & the very next day the whole field was dug by police looking for guns but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again, "Now plant your potatoes, Dad; it's the best I could do from here!
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Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke. Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no. Hillbilly walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbillies' buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it"
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A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the villa, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $22,398,750.78 in cash." The granddaughter, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh granny, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Granny whispered, "Facebook".
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Thank you to my Facebook friends, particularly Barbara Cooper, for the jokes the past few weeks.
