a confession of sorts

[Author's note: The original title for this blog post was going to be "I'm a dork." Then Dan Renzi, who is one of my favorite bloggers, posted that he was the #9 hit for googling "I'm a dork." I'd hate to take that distinction away from him. So I changed my title.

Also, you need to know that I originally wrote this blog entry about 10 days ago, saving it for today. Since I've written it, and made the same confession to a couple of close friends, my feelings have faded. Not that what I say here isn't true. I'm just not feeling as strongly about the subject.]

And now... my confession to my loyal blog readers:

I am a total dork. I admit it, I publish here for anyone to read. I know it, I acknowledge it, I embrace it.

And here is the long and sometimes rambling story:

In July, my family went to see a show in Branson called “The Haygoods.” That's the start of it.

We’ve been going to Branson since 2001; I think we’re at 15 trips or at least close to that number. Since 2002, I’ve been reading a lot on my Branson boards about The Haygoods, but we really didn’t even attend *any* shows until 2003. So I didn't pay much attention to the reviews. We didn’t go to Branson at all in 2004, and then in 2005, when we planned our shows, I was very against any shows featuring families. I just thought it sounded hokey. I should have remembered that my first crush was on The Osmonds.

On our third 2005 Branson trip, I had an open night for a show, and The Duttons had gotten so many good reviews, and the price was so affordable, that I thought we could give them a try, even if they were a family show.

We fell in love. I make no pretenses – I want to be a Dutton. I love to see their show, and my kids adore them. We are huge Dutton fans.

In planning this year’s shows, I thought maybe we could give the Haygoods a try. Yes, it’s a family show, but we had such a good experience with the Duttons that maybe we could try another family. I’d seen the ads… 7 brothers, 1 sister, all with a huge smile. They looked young, and usually I don't like young performers, but the reviews were so good. I thought it was worth a try.

I made the reservation and off we went to see the show. It was a good show, but I wasn't blown away. OK, there was a moment during the show when one of the brothers is on stage wearing a ponytail, and that made my little heart go pitty-pat (I have such a thing for ponytails), but for the most part, I just really enjoyed the show. We didn’t even plan to buy the DVD, but at the end, Dominic Haygood does a little spiel about how we should turn off the video games, turn off the TV, turn off the internet (egads!) and turn our kids on to music. Brady looked at me and said he’d buy the DVD with his own souvenir money. Yeah, the DVD came home with us.

For the most part, that DVD sat on a shelf for its first 3 months in our home. Then one weekend in October, I was folding laundry and I slipped the DVD in to watch while I was folding. Watching it, I thought again how talented this family is.

Later than week, I discovered that our Branson plans had changed, and I felt comfortable adding another show to our schedule. I called and made reservations for The Haygoods Christmas show. We'd be attending the day after Thanksgiving.

And somewhere in the last four weeks, I have lost my mind.

Last week, I did a blog entry about my “me” time after my kids leave for school and before I have to leave for work. What I didn’t confess is that my “me” time is now “Haygood” time. I swear, no sooner do the girls leave than I pop the DVD in and watch my favorite parts. I know when to fast forward and when to stop.

I started reading the Haygood website. Heck, I even googled them.

It’s ridiculous. I’m obsessed with them the same way I was obsessed with The Osmonds as a child, Def Leppard as a teen. It’s harmless. I just admire them from afar. I enjoy watching their DVD. And maybe sometimes I notice that they have really well formed muscles. But I’m not about to leave my husband of sixteen years to move to Branson and become a groupie.

I’m too old for them anyway. I’m old enough to have birthed some of them.

And I really like my job.

But my obsession has produced some changes in my life. Listening to their energetic music in the morning gets me going. It increases my energy level. I work out to their music. I find that since I’ve been listening to them in the morning, I’ve started caring more about my appearance. I walk past all the too-large clothing hanging in my closet and go for clothes that fit me better and make me look good. I’m wearing eye shadow, for heaven’s sake.

So for the last month, everything has been leading up to tonight. Tonight, I’ll be sitting in the 5th row, watching my boys. I want badly to get my picture taken with one of them so that I can scrapbook this story. The story of how I was a dork, and came out a better (if slightly unbalanced) person.

After every show, the family comes out and signs autographs and would most likely pose for a picture. We have autographs from the July show. (I try not to sneak into the girls room just to look at the poster too often.) I’m just not sure that this thirty-six year old woman has the nerve to ask for a picture with a 20-something man. Just the thought turns me into jelly. The fact that I know they'd say yes makes me even more nervous.

Oh my gosh, I am such a dork.

Comments

[robin]

Sounds like fun Kim! :) You're not a dork! And I went to college with Dan Renzi - so how's that for a weird 6 degrees thing!

[Kellie (joelsgirl)]

Kim, you may be a dork, but you are a witty dork. ;) I love your confession and I hope you get to take your picture with one of those cuties.